nano sadhu talk

nano sadhu talk
the grades that have been handed down to me have been very disappointing.... i am solely responsible for that, i guess... i feel stupid... a kind of helplessness is engulfing my mind... i don't exactly get where i went wrong... that messed up my grades... May be i was brash and over-confident about myself... and possibly thought that the grades are made without much of difficulty if u are in the right frame of mind and u happen to have a sharp mind. Now, it occurs to me that i have none of these. This brings me a kind of shame that has been unrecedented in my life, it's like my existence is getting challenged by my conscience. Seriously for me something has to be defimitely done about this. I must revert back to my early days of life for a lesson. Retrospect my behavior as of then. See what are the changes and how they have affected me, my results. Why and when did I get complacent?? Will i still keep getting complacent?? Have I entered some kind of Rat race in context of my academics and hence my life (since my life revolves around it). Or is it a kind of sign that my academic career is nearing it's end. Do I not have any interest in my academics from now on?? Surely, I am asking too many questions than I possibly could answer. But this is what i feel right as of now. I think I must declare to myself... happy days are over. All ur sins are getting paid with interest. Better get on with some good work if u hope to reap some better results in future. I have to figure out how I must make the acads again the sole purpose of my life. How can I revert back to the ascetic kind of life that i used to follow when i was back in kerala alone, on my own? If i answer all these questions that i have asked myself.. i will have completed the first half of my repentance, for the next, i need to implement the answers.